another little piece of something

 hello, lovelies!

i'm trying to write my first analysis, but i'm struggling with getting my thoughts coherently onto the page, as i am quite rusty when it comes to writing anything, really. but trust that i am working on it, it just won't be coming as soon as i had hoped.

for now, i wanted to post some more old writings i have. this one is more recent, though i was... a tad bit inebriated when i wrote it, so if it's bad, i blame the wine. i was also listening to melodrama by lorde on repeat, and had been for several hours beforehand. i was and always will be a supercut girlie, it was the first song i had heard from the album, and it partially inspired this excerpt thing. i was and always will be a supercut girlie.

mind palace (supercut)

in my head i can see it so clearly. everything i ever wanted is within reach and i have them in my grasp. a partner who loves me and doesn't think i am broken and in need of being discarded. family that i chose that doesn't make me feel small. maybe a child that has my eyes. maybe not.

in my head i am smart and funny and beautiful. i can dance and sing and play guitar. maybe i'm an author, or a famous musician. maybe i am an actress and winner of several awards. maybe i am a teacher.

in my head i do everything right. 

but i am not in my head. that is all just fantasy. i am not smart, or funny. i don't have a partner, i barely have friends. i have never been held by a lover, never touched with a gentleness reserved for a soulmate. i am not doing anything worthy of being noted in my life. there are no novels i have written. no awards i have won. there are no children with my eyes. there will never be any children with my eyes.

not quite a poem, not quite NOT a poem

 hello, lovelies!

as mentioned in a previous post, i wanted to post a bit of my old creative writings. i personally am indifferent to most of them, as i don't hate them like i did when i first wrote them nor do i love them. several things were written when i was in a low mental state, and i feel that that is reflected in the imagery i tried to conjure with some of my pieces. also, almost nothing is finished. some poems were written for high school assignments, some snippets were written based on songs, some are monologues i wrote when sleep evaded me.

this is... a thing, i suppose. i'm not sure how i feel about it, but i guess it's the one i dislike the least? it barely qualifies as poetry. it's just... something. but, i've shared it somewhere else before, so it makes me the least anxious to post here. whatever, it's most definitely not good, but i've committed and hopefully these nerves i have about posting this go away quick enough haha.

personal dismemberment

sometimes i lay in my bed
naked as the day i was born
and i imagine my limbs aren't mine
my body is that of a doll
i close my eyes and pick and choose
just what shape i'd like to be today
a modern-day frankenstein
i'd like to peel off all my skin
is that strange to say
break apart my chest and tear open my stomach
fill the cavities with sand
stitch myself back together
get up, look in the mirror
and hope i'll like me this time