reality television

 so, i don't watch reality tv. all my life, i've been told that trash television rots your brain and makes you stupid (i don't agree with that at all, by the way. watch what you want!! be your own person!!). BUT, i've unfortunately been sucked into the secret lives of mormon wives and i am literally over it. these women need to leave their terrible husbands and boyfriends because these BOYS are not it. absolutely abhorrent behaviours from all parties, don't get me wrong, but these boys are especially atrocious. eughhh.

my older brother loves jersey shore, and i might give it a watch since he's (allegedly) watched all of gilmore girls, and i've been avoiding anything to do with the kardashians for years, but i might cave and watch keeping up with the kardashians. i think dr. phil is a solid trash tv choice, too (that's a joke. this whole post is actually based on a text i sent to lizzy the other day).

i'm lowkey afraid of real housewives simply because i don't think i'd know where to even start. like, do i start with the very first series, or do i go for the ones that take place in my home state? do i work my way from coast to coast? so many choices, some of which are probably unhinged, but i never claimed to be hinged in any way; i am merely masquerading a perfectly sane individual with my expansive vocabulary and grandma-esq hobbies.

this has been me just yapping, as i am wont to do. none of it has to make sense, and that's the fun of it.

cherry tomatoes

 hello, lovelies!

i've forgotten just how difficult writing extended pieces is, because why am i struggling to write more than five hundred words? it's crazy, honestly. i'm trying so hard to actually think critically about things and putting those thoughts and ideas and opinions onto the page, but i simply can't. it makes me want to bang my head against a wall or something.

in other news, i've finished the actual bag i was crocheting on monday, now all that's left is to line it (i don't know if i ever actually mentioned that the project i was working on was a bag, but that's what it is). i've lined a bag before, as well as made a pillow, but i've only hand-sewed things before, so i'm nervous to use my machine to line this bag. and i specifically want to use my machine because this bag is a gift for lizzy, and i want it to be of a quality to where it'll last. i've made her several bags before, but i want this one to be something she'll have for years, so i'm nervous. i still have a couple other things i need to make her for her birthday, plus now i have a concrete deadline since she'll be coming to my sister's engagement party in october. no biggie, i'll be fine. totally fine, not nervous at all. certainly not panicking.

short little post today because i missed yesterday, oops. i'm gonna get back to finishing the bag and working on the other gifts, and eating cherry tomatoes in procrastination. until next time!

xoxo

dried apricots, mediocre movies, and panic-crocheting

 hello, lovelies!

today has just been a bit of a lazy day. all i'm doing is watching as many movies as i can, working on lizzy's birthday gift, and being the tester for my mother's project.

well, i say "project", but it's really a practice run of making charcuterie boards for my sister's engagement party in october. i think she and her friend did really well, plus i get to snack on it for the rest of the day. i've already eaten most of the dried apricots and a good portion of the cheese and green grapes. i'm not a huge fan of the meats, though.

i was going to watch some movies i have on dvd today, but apparently in the time between setting up my old vcr (for more info on that whole story, go read adventures in physical media) and now, the dvd player stopped working. in fact, the entire thing just refuses to stay on for more than two minutes. safe to say, i am on the hunt for a new dvd player, at the very least. if i could find a dual vcr/dvd system, that would be perfect, but i know my chances are pretty slim. maybe when lizzy comes back for break we could go thrifting. i mean, i'm not surprised that it doesn't work anymore, it's at least as old as i am, if not older. oh well.

as for the movies i'm watching, i've watched: disturbia, the first two ring movies (the american remakes, not the originals), the ruins, and now i'm currently watching the uninvited. so far, they've been... fine. some were mediocre. i had already seen the first ring film as well as the ruins, so i knew i liked them, but... the rest have just been okay, i suppose. i don't know what i'm going to watch next, but it'll most likely be another thriller or horror movie, as i seem to be in a real mood for them lately. 

lizzy's birthday is next week, but i won't be seeing her until at least mid-october, so i don't have to panic that much. what i should be panicking about, though, is yvonne's birthday. which is today. now, before you all think i'm a terrible friend, she lived on the other side of the country, i don't have her address yet as she's moving, and we've never really given each other gifts. our relationship just never really called for it. but i do still want to make her something; maybe a plushie, as she made me one for my twenty-first birthday last year. the question is what the plushie should be. i'm sure i'll think of something. i mean, i have to. 

well, that's really all i have for this post. i know there isn't much to it, but i'm still getting into the groove of things. i also was mostly writing as a distraction/break from crocheting. sigh... back to the grind, i guess. until next time!

xoxo

another little piece of something

 hello, lovelies!

i'm trying to write my first analysis, but i'm struggling with getting my thoughts coherently onto the page, as i am quite rusty when it comes to writing anything, really. but trust that i am working on it, it just won't be coming as soon as i had hoped.

for now, i wanted to post some more old writings i have. this one is more recent, though i was... a tad bit inebriated when i wrote it, so if it's bad, i blame the wine. i was also listening to melodrama by lorde on repeat, and had been for several hours beforehand. i was and always will be a supercut girlie, it was the first song i had heard from the album, and it partially inspired this excerpt thing. i was and always will be a supercut girlie.

mind palace (supercut)

in my head i can see it so clearly. everything i ever wanted is within reach and i have them in my grasp. a partner who loves me and doesn't think i am broken and in need of being discarded. family that i chose that doesn't make me feel small. maybe a child that has my eyes. maybe not.

in my head i am smart and funny and beautiful. i can dance and sing and play guitar. maybe i'm an author, or a famous musician. maybe i am an actress and winner of several awards. maybe i am a teacher.

in my head i do everything right. 

but i am not in my head. that is all just fantasy. i am not smart, or funny. i don't have a partner, i barely have friends. i have never been held by a lover, never touched with a gentleness reserved for a soulmate. i am not doing anything worthy of being noted in my life. there are no novels i have written. no awards i have won. there are no children with my eyes. there will never be any children with my eyes.

more socials

 hello, lovelies!

another mini update: i've created a tiktok account as a tie-in (am i using that correctly in this context?) for this blog! i haven't posted anything on it yet, but hopefully i will soon! i just have to learn how to edit... i believe in myself. i think. i've also linked my storygraph!

now the socials that i've linked here are as follows: goodreads, letterboxd, storygraph, substack, and, finally, my new tiktok! if y'all want to, feel free to go and visit me over there to see what i'm up to when i'm not here!

well, that's all for this post. i know it's short, but something with more substance will be coming soon, i promise!

until next time

xoxo

september, come take this heart away

 hello, lovelies!

september is finally here, and with it so much more than just fall! cooler weather, rainy and gloomy days, and so many birthdays. like, almost an absurd amount of birthdays. welcome to my first monthly overview; grab a snack and a beverage and get cozy while i talk about upcoming things for the new month!

mini update

 hello, lovelies!

just a little update: i've now linked my substack! it's located just beneath my letterboxd link. there isn't really much there currently, as before now i didn't have the confidence to really post online, but having this blog has really helped boost it, even if i've only been here for about a week and i don't have much of a following. but if you'd like to pop on over there and look around, please feel free! 

that's all for this little mini update. until next time.

xoxo