hello, lovelies!
today was a lot.
first, the good: my cousins came over, and i got to hang out with the baby (he's three, but he'll always be my baby cousin). we played dinosaurs and he was very interested in my collection of stuffed animals.
now, the not good: there was a fucking MOUSE in our PANTRY. i'm standing there, door open to the whole world (our house) and then i see a little brown furry ass with a tail jumping down the stepladder. i freaked out, obviously, and my dad was looking at me like i was nuts before i said there was a mouse in the pantry. so the word spreads around the house, and i go to shower. when i get out of the shower, i hear my mother emptying the bottom of the pantry when she suddenly yells, "OH MY GOD I SEE IT HOLY SHIT I SAW IT!" so after that, my dad goes to the store to buy rat traps and bars of irish spring soap.. for some reason... ANYWAYS, we barricade the pantry door with tea towels and then use things around our house to block off a section of our kitchen, just in case the mouse gets out of the pantry. hours pass, i'm in my room worried about it. then my sister's fiancé comes over. our saving grace. we tell him of our adventures and he says, "i'll do it." so he starts looking for it in the pantry, my mother is helping him remove things our of the kitchen, my father is at the front door ready to open it for jordan, my sister has a wooden spoon in each hand, and i have my crowbar. we are prepared. for about forty-five minutes, he didn't see anything, and he started thinking it was a lost cause and that the mouse wasn't in the pantry anymore. until, as he's on the top of the stepladder and has hands full of miscellaneous shit we've been hoarding for the twelve years we've lived in this house, he sees The Culprit. jordan jumps down and grabs a box, and within moments he has the mouse in it and he rushes outside. my mother is up against the wall as far away from the scene of the crime as she can be. my sister is in her battle stance, spoons in hand. i'm standing on the couch, clutching my crowbar for dead life. the rest plays out the way you all think: jordan leaves the box on our front lawn, we lock up every door in our house, my mother and i agree to continue cleaning out the pantry tomorrow (i'm doing it mostly because i'm paranoid and want to make sure that there are no more mice in my house. if there are, i may take up the hobby of arson. or i'll pitch myself off the tallest building i can find. i've not yet decided). we've left the kitchen barricaded and the pantry blocked off. i feel much better.
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here's my artistic interpretation of what i saw. the image not real, and is a work of pinterest collage and canva editing. thank you. |
the worst part? this isn't even the first mousegate event in our household. the first happened at our old house we lived in before our current residence. our cat was, at the time, a partially outdoor cat, and he had just come back in the house. we were eating breakfast when the cat reenters the house and my mother says he put something from outside on the floor. i turn. i see it. my older brother says, "a dead mouse." i see it move. i scream and run to my room, shoving blankets in front of the door and standing on my bed. later that day, i heard that my mother flipped the couch after the mouse ran into it and the cat finished the job. the cat was very quickly no longer allowed outside. sorry man, you lost those privileges when you brough a LIVE MOUSE into the house and then LET IT GO.
times like these i wish i still had a snake. rip tiana the ball python, we hardly knew ye. 2009-2010.
i'm exhausted, and i hope to sleep for one billion years. i'm also experiencing allergies from something and i'm upset about it.
xoxo
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