i'm realizing that me consistently writing fifteen or more page essays throughout middle and high school like it was nothing is actually kinda crazy. why am i just realizing this now? because i've also realized i don't know how to write an essay anymore. i've almost completely forgotten how to do it. like, yes, i can slap some words onto a page and use fancy wording and an expansive vocabulary to feign intelligence because i'm afraid of being perceived as a fool, but i don't think i could write something about a real thing with real research and intelligence behind it anymore. and i want so badly to write something of substance, because i have so many ideas. i used to have a whole list of topics i wanted to write about. but now all my dreams i had are covered in dust at the back of the closet of my mind. what makes it worse is that i was once applauded for my writing. i was the one that everyone came to for assistance. fellow students, teachers, my own family. and now i feel like a failure. am i the only one who feels this way?
sorry to get... weird. i've just been staring at an empty google doc for hours trying to find some place to start my essay. props to all of you who write essays like they're nothing; i applaud you and am kind of envious.
I’ve soooo been there. It feels like imposter syndrome. Just say f**k it and start writing! Who cares <3 !! Get back into the groove of it, dive head first!
ReplyDeleteLove,
Cherry
ahh thank you for your kind words! you're right, i should just write; it doesn't have to be good the first time around, that's what editing is for haha! <33
Deletei think we tend to forget that writing is a skill, and like any other skill, it can be practiced and relearned. you don't just lose your ability to write forever, sometimes you just get out of practice. i think the hardest part is getting back into the rhythm of it, even if it's messy and doesn't sound as eloquent as you'd like it to. the ability is still there, you just have to find your way back to it!! but yeah i totally relate to your struggle girl, i used to be such an academic weapon in science, and now i’m struggling just to solve an equation...
ReplyDeletethe way you expressed the feeling and spoke about how it's not gone, just out of practice was beautiful! i'm absolutely going to be working on reviving my skill, as that's partially the reason i started this blog! thank you for your kind words, lovely <33
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